Lani and Hazee, together they make Hazlan…the lovely husband and wife and amazing parents of an adorable son….
- How long have you been married?
H: Married May 2011 so that makes it a year
- What qualities attracted you to your partner?
L: The simplicity; she is very simple, she is sincere, she has been sincere with me right from day one of our relationship with our long distance relationship. I was in Nigeria and she was here in the States. Her beauty, her dark skin color, she is hardworking, she is God-fearing, she is a good woman and she is an example of that woman the bible calls a virtuous woman.
H: There were qualities I saw in him that I liked but the long distance was right in my face that I could not really get to those qualities like I wanted to but I knew they existed but he was too far away. The qualities that I saw that I liked that made me pursue the long distance relationship are his relationship with God, He has a relationship with God, there is a difference between knowing God and having a relationship with God and that’s something I noticed, something that I admire and something I would like to have and I feel he can get me there. He is also very family oriented, he loves his family, loves to keep his family around him and that’s something I admire. He is also good looking and tall. He is very affectionate, very loving, very sincere, genuine and always open and honest with me, telling me how he feels, whether positive or negative. When I went to Nigeria for 2 ½ weeks, there wasn’t a day that passed by without him expressing his love for me and that sealed the deal; He showed me more affection than people that were at arm’s reach.
- How has marriage changed your lives?
L: For me, I never thought I was going to get married at this age, but I told God I wanted my first child at 30 though I did not know how God was going to do it. I didn’t want to go into marriage and get out of it immediately after. My wife knows I like friendship; solid friendship leads to solid relationship which leads to solid marriage. I took my time to build that and I never believed I can be this happy with one woman. Marriage has really taught me a lot, patience, to forget about myself and always think about my wife, my family. Marriage has taught me to give my all, to make what is mine ‘ours’. It is teaching me to be faithful; not taught me but teaching.
H: Marriage has changed my life, because I have new priorities. My priorities is not work, me, its now my family and my husband.
- Was your perception of marriage prior to being married the same as now being married?
H: I’m not going to paint the picture of marriage as one smooth ride, we are still doing a lot of learning about each other and that’s the perception you don’t really see until you are in marriage. You don’t see what people are learning about each other, so that understanding is just coming to light.
- What do you do or what do you think is necessary to maintain marital happiness and success?
L: You need to understand what love is, you need to understand that love is team work and team says ‘together everyone achieves more’. You can achieve little by yourself but when both of you come together you achieve more. Like the bible says one will chase a thousand and two will chase ten thousand, so not even two thousand, it’s ten thousand. When you have a relationship with God, when you are close to God. Those are the two major tools. Getting close to God, understanding what God is, because God Himself is love. When you understand God really well, you get to understand your wife. As a man, you need to respect your woman, fear your woman, love her. See her as being beautiful everyday, because their body and system will change, after one baby, when they are 40, 60…they would look different. Things will change but you need to look for new and exciting ways to love. Make sure your marriage is exciting and not boring.
H: Love, communication and honesty. You have to be honest with each other, you have to communicate with each other; talk. Truth over harmony.
- You have a 5 month old baby (going onto 6), how has that changed your lives individually and as a couple?
H: As a mommy, Adura (the baby) is like my second world because I have two babies. I’ve got the big baby and the little baby. I have two roles to play; a mother and a wife. Their demands, their needs are different and I still have to be a able to supply what they need and what they want. So the weight is not much but I am still coming into my role of giving them their wants, demands and still be ok, not stressed out. I am learning the role and loving the role.
L: It’s been an interesting journey having a child. Having a child is a thing of joy. He is very active, he loves what I love. I love music and he does too, he can’t do without it. I play music for him every morning. It’s a good experience and I know it’s not the end
- Today we have a lot of people getting married and getting a divorce the next or get into marriage and relationships for the wrong reasons. What advice do you have for people who are going into relationships and/or marriage?
L: Like I said before, solid friendship leads to solid relationship and solid relationship leads to solid marriage. You have to know yourselves well. My wife and I have a game that we play called scruples and there are some questions she picks and she already knows what my response will be. And this came from the long friendship that we had to build. When the person is not your friend and you get married, when she makes a mistake, you would most likely leave the person or fight because you don’t even know yourselves. My advice is get to know yourselves very well, and if it’s not who you want, there is nothing in breaking up in a relationship (before you get married). You should also sit down and be able to talk about what you want, what you like and don’t like. As a man, you have to build in the woman what you want to see, teach your wife what you want to see in her. Don’t talk down at her. Be open. Marriage is an institution you get your certificate from day one but you never graduate from it, you keep learning every day. So enjoy it
H: It’s really about knowing the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. 6 months courting, dating is not enough if you want to spend the rest of your life with that someone. If you can’t be in the bathroom when they are there (pooping), then you are not ready for marriage. I’m sorry but these are things you have to do with your partner, you should be able to do with your partner, touch your partner and look at your partner in the weirdest scenarios and not even think twice about it. If you can’t do that then you are not ready. So it’s more than a year, more than 6 months. It’s really knowing that person. Those awkward things, you have to be comfortable with.